We all know how the rhyme goes, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me", but how true actually is that?
It seems to turn out, this is not at all true. As many victims of constant bullying have pointed out, names do hurt and words cause more damage than actions in the long run.
I have heard many unfortunate stories of people who's lives were changed by the cruel words of others...
We sometimes forget how important it is to love ourselves...
And why are we surprised? When over 3.2 Million kids are victims of bullying every single year.
Just because of their differences. All the things that make them unique. All the things that make them who they are!
These are said to be the most common reasons for bullying...
- Race/Religion
- Disability
- Lack of Friends
- Intelligence
- Popularity
- Different Physical Features
- And Personal Difficulties.
All of which, no one has much (if any) control over. No one deserves to be bullied and it has to stop!
My Bullying Story
As you can probably imagine, I was very badly bullied in school. I had many differences, struggled a lot to make friends and had so much on my plate that things for me were difficult enough before school even started in the morning.
One girl in particular, for this blog I will call her Maria, was very nasty to me. To this day I don't know why, but it might have been because I tried to make friends with her close friends! I have autism, so found making friends or picking up on social cues very difficult, but her two friends Esmeralda and Angeline (also very fake names haha) were understanding, supportive and very kind. In fact besides my close friend Kelsey (which is her actual name!), these two girls were the only real friends I had.
Maria was not happy about this. She tried to exclude me from everything and told me to 'go away' constantly. She called be 'weird' and 'different', along with all kinds of names. She embarrassed me in front of everyone by telling me how much I wasn't wanted. And to her it probably seemed like nothing. But to me, a girl battling pain, problems at home, and extreme difficulty in social situations, it was heartbreaking. I was trying so hard to fit in and had it thrown back in my face.
For my mental health, things were getting very bad. She would only do 'small things', like call me names or give me nasty looks from the other side of the classroom, but Maria made me feel so small and I lost all my self-worth.
Things were getting very bad, though to anyone else it may have just seemed silly, but Maria made me feel worthless and I am sure she knew it. It went on, every single day for ages!
One day, All 4 of us were stood outside the reception area at school and it had been raining. There was a big puddle and Maria took my planner from me (I kept it in my blazer pocket because I needed to keep close track of what I was doing to stay calm) and told me to jump up and down in the puddle, until I got it back. I needed that planner to keep track of my day, not to mention all my computer passwords and homework that I couldn't remember otherwise. My trousers got soaked, I felt humiliated and she probably got just a small laugh out of that. But even to this day, I still occasionally think of that moment and how she made me feel. Chances are she has forgotten she even did it, but in my head there is still a lot of raw emotion surrounding how much pain Maria caused me that day. Bullies never realize how their actions truly affect others.
I was an idiot and gave her too much forgiveness. I had finally told Mrs Ellis how I was feeling (a teacher I have mentioned before) and she had actually seen a bit of what Maria did to me. She was set to be given detention and Isolation for the bullying, but came to me and said she was sorry and that she wouldn't do it again. I told the teachers to leave it, because I had never wanted anyone to be punished, just for everything to stop. But the very next day, she began it again. Luckily this time Esmeralda and Angeline wouldn't stand for it, and we spent our time alone together just the 3 of us, where I could have peace with my friends!
This isn't the only cases of bullying I have had to deal with, in fact there are countless more because of how 'different' I was. But this definitely made me feel the worst and combined with the others, gave me feelings I will never forget. I will probably use other stories in blog posts in the future, so this post doesn't become too long! But I am going to definitely share as many stories as I can, in a hope others who read it will learn to deal with the pain better than I did!
The point is. Whilst I was being bullied, I questioned who I was way too much. People made me see myself in the light they were painting me in, not the true person I was. People would treat me like I was ugly, so i believed it. People would treat me like I was worthless, so I agreed. People would treat me like I was nothing, so I tried to hide. And all of these emotions have never quite healed. So when someone says to me, "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." I can't agree. Names have hurt me, names still hurt me. But it is what we do with that hurt that counts. Now to the super important part...
Are you being bullied?
Maybe you clicked on this post because you have been bullied or are still being bullied?
If you aren't sure, this is what Stop Bullying.Gov defines bullying as: Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.
I hope this definition will help you decide, but if anyone/thing is hurting you, definitely speak up about it!
What should you do if you think you are being bullied?
Step 1: Remind yourself it is NOT your fault! You are perfect the way you are!
Step 2: Tell them to stop and make sure not to react anymore, you are worth more than that!
Step 3: Tell someone you trust, whether that be a friend, a parent, a teacher or even a helpline such as The National Bullying Helpline (9am to 5pm, Monday - Saturday: Call 0845 22 55 787)
Step 4: Get things sorted! This is easiest through a parent/teacher!
Step 5: Be proud of yourself for dealing with it well! You are worth it! :D
What should you do if you are a Bully?
Step 1: Stop bullying, and realize that everyone goes through tough times, but that is no excuse for being mean to others. Step 2: Think about the way you are making others feel, and how that would make you feel. Do you think it is acceptable?
Step 3: Admit it to someone, such as your parent/friend/teacher. Or The National Bullying Helpline (Call 0845 22 55 787) They can help you combat whatever you are going through too!
Step 4: Apologize to the people you have hurt. The feelings they may feel because of you could stay with them their whole lives.
Step 5: Look back in years and years and see the positive change you made to yourself and your own outlook of life. Don't be proud of the fact you needed to do something, but be proud you made the changes! :D
I hope this helps some of you, whom may have been bullied or are maybe even being bullies yourselves. Have a good New Year Everyone! And never let anyone make you forget your self worth! See you in 2019!
With Love,
Tasha
Just in case you need them, below are some helplines you can contact for some more support!
The Samaritans 116 123 (Open 24/7)
Childline (NSPCC) 0800 1111 (Open 24/7)
The National Bullying Helpline 0845 22 55 787 (9am to 5pm, Monday - Saturday)
Papyrus/HopeLineUK 0800 068 4141 (Mon to Fri,10am to 5pm & 7 to 10pm. Weekends 2 to 5pm)
Anxiety UK 03444 775 774 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5.30pm)
Remember you are not alone! x
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