No. Knowing a disabled person does not mean you know everything about disabilities.

Why telling someone their lived experience is invalid, because you know/are a disabled person, is wrong!

Image of an access auditor, a paralympian in a wheelchair saying a few steps aren't a problem for the disabled and another person in a wheelchair who cannot use the stairs trying to speak but being ignored.

Now I know the title of this one is long, but I couldn't think of any way to say it shorter haha! Basically this post is about people who seem to think it is okay to dismiss other peoples needs because they know (or are) someone who is disabled and has different needs... As i am sure many of you are well aware, my current favorite debate (besides all my other favorite debates - I really need to get out more haha!) is the plastic straw purge. I won't be going into this one today as I am so sure you are all getting sick to death of me badgering on about it (I am sorry but it is important!), but this is where most of the comments I will be showing you today stemmed from. In a nutshell, it seems people nowadays find it acceptable to dismiss someones literal lived experience with "but I know someone disabled and that doesn't happen to them, so it can't have happened to you"... Really? Yes really. I am as flabbergasted as I am sure some of you will be. I have been seeing this happening a lot recently, and "as a disabled person" it gets fully on my nerves so it has to get on everyone elses. (Please don't come for me haha I am being sarcastic and know this won't irritate every disabled person, though it does bother me and many others!)

An image of a quote where every line is a different font. "Knowing A disabled person doesn't mean you can dismiss other's needs! Just like every line of this quote is different, every disabled person is unique! @HNPPandMe"

So what is the problem? Well for starters, dismissing someones lived experience is never okay. That is final. That previous statement stands no matter who you are, what your lived experience is or who you happen to know. You will never be able to fully understand how or what someone is feeling, and even if you were inside their mind and body feeling exactly what they do under the exact same conditions, with all the exact same stressors... you still wouldn't be qualified to dismiss them. However some people seem to be doing this a lot... and I've seen so many people saying that disabled issues are not issues because they are/know people who are disabled and these issues don't happen to them. Reality check.... there are countless disabilities and every single one is different! In fact over 1 billion of us have a disability, and we are all affected in different ways! Even the same disability might not affect two people equally! Telling someone that there disability or needs aren't valid because you know someone with a disability, is like me saying I dislike every food and that I will always hate every food, before I've even tasted more than 3 or 4 different foods. It would be silly then, so why do people not find it silly now?

An image of a bird, monkey, penguin, elephant, golfish, seal and dog in a line. They are stood infront of a tree and a teacher behind the desk is saying "For a fair selection everyone has to take the same exam: please climb that tree"

It is a bit similar to this image about our education system! Much like all those animals have different abilities, disabled people have different disabilities, and we cannot all 'climb the same tree'. Some of us may be perfectly able to climb the tree, and others will not! Comparing everyone to some common view of 'disability', is just so unrealistic to what disabled people are actually like! There is no one size fits all bracket here!

But the reason it is such an issue can be summed up in one word... ableism. But how is this ableism you might ask, well let me show you...

Ableism: The unfair treatment of people because they have a disability (an illness, injury, or condition that makes it difficult for them to do things that other people do). - The Cambridge Dictionary

Ableism occurs literally any time that a disabled person is treated unfairly on the basis of their disability and their needs. This could be anything from shouting in the street, to dismissing their needs because other people can do them, even if the people who can do them are also disabled themselves. As you can see in the definition... giving someone "unfair treatment" because it is "difficult for them to do things that other people do" is literally an abelist comment. I genuinely don't know how to make that more clear without sounding super patronizing haha! I don't mean to come across that way, but it is so hard to explain something well without breaking it down right to the definition!

And I will point out, that not everyone that does this means it in any kind of malicious way. Sometimes they are simply trying to help! But nevertheless, it is a way of thinking we need to tackle and change, in order to allow everyone to have access to solutions/help for the different needs they have!

But how can a disabled person be ableist?

Honestly, without even realizing it. As soon as you begin dismissing the needs of another disabled person, you yourself are becoming part of that problem that puts barriers between them and the support they need. This is whether you are disabled/know a disabled person or not. I cannot stress this enough, but most of the comments I see, come from people who simply didn't realize that what they were saying was so wrong. In fact sometimes it even comes from a good place, i.e: for the environment. But this is no excuse to not change when the issues are flagged up.

An image of a quote. "We are all different. Don't Judge, understand instead. Roy T. Bennett"

In a similar way to someone saying "my best friend is a woman and she doesn't want to be a mechanic... so you cannot be a mechanic" is sexist, or "my transgender daughter has had surgery.... so you are not transgender unless you have surgery", would be transphobic, saying "My dad is disabled and doesn't need this.... so you can't need/have it" is ableist. It really is that simple. All of these statements are and should be considered wrong. People are individuals and everyone is affected differently by quite literally everything. No this does not make you 'snowflakes', this makes you human!

Some Examples

Sorry to have to bring the straw thing back up, but if you'd like to know why it is an important debate for accessibility/a need for some disabled people read this: https://nkrywald.wixsite.com/hnppandme/articles/do-the-disabled-turtely-hate-the-environment-no The examples I am going to use, stem from this debate specifically, mainly because it is what sparked me writing this blog post! But these comments are often heard by disabled people on a daily basis, about all kinds of things! (All names have obviously been hidden and I will happily PM people the full photos where I have cropped the most relevant information in!)

Image of a facebook comment saying "Just buy reusable straws *confused women emoji*. My brother is disabled and he uses them."

Pictures like these should show you the reasons why it can be so hard to have accessibility needs... Because people often try to dismiss them by using the needs of other disabled people as an attempt to justify their opinion.

Image of a facebook comment. "So because you're disabled you can't use a plastic straw. Sorry my dads disabled and he can use a paper straw just fine so this is pathetic and still has no valid point. *okay hand emoji*"

Not only this, but like in the example to the side, they can even start being quite rude/nasty because you are different to what they know. Like this person who came out with "He's not a baby" because I tried to explain to them that their dads disabilities (though totally valid!) did not mean they could speak up about or dismiss the access needs of all other disabled people...

It just isn't okay! And I don't see why some people seem to think saying these things to others is allowed because they have experience with a type of disability?

What they see/experience is totally different to what many others will see or experience within their own disabilities!

An image of a facebook comment saying "As I said, I care for a variety of people. Bed bound, head injuries, amputees, end of life etc. And I can tell you this right now that none of them use plastic straws."

It is not only family, but those who work with the disabled, like carers, can do this too! I've unfortunately met a few carers who had the outlook that all disabled people have similar needs, or that if they have cared for multiple types of disability they know what is best in every scenario. But this just simply isn't the case! :( This is not to say carers are bad, the majority are totally amazing and lovely people and this is just an example of some! (Keep doing your great work :)!!)

An image of a facebook comment saying. "If you want to be an advocate for the disabled community look into benefit cuts and the PIP system, education, home care services, public accessibility. You know, all the real problems disabled folk face EVERY DAY. Sincerely a genuine disabled advocate".

And like I said before about some disabled people themselves also having this outlook... This example hopefully shows what I mean about people dismissing needs that don't fit with their own. Whilst what they were saying about all the other issues needing focus is 100% true, dismissing other peoples needs to make way for this is not the way forward! For some the straw debate is a life-limiting and completely necessary one, just like the other debates might be to them! Plus we can tackle all problems together, doesn't have to be just one at a time! :)

This will be the final example I promise! I know this post is getting pretty long! :(

An image of a facebook comment saying "Lexy and I am not disabled then. People like you make me sick. FYI I have a disability but choose not to play it and be treat different."

But this one is just to show that people sometimes make out like those with different needs are simply "playing" or "putting it on" because they do not understand. Again, using your own/someone elses disability to say that another person is not valid, is simply wrong! And can cause so many issues in other people being listened to or being given the access they need to help!

I hope these examples helped to show this kind of dismissal in a real setting. But it can take so many forms! The main message to take away here, is that it is not okay to dismiss someone when they are telling you their lived experience! :) Please just listen, take things on-board and realize that not everyone is the same or has the same needs! <3

I don't want this blog post to become ridiculously long, because well it doesn't need to be! The main message to take away here is so simple... that we are all different and all have different needs and abilities. And that this is okay! If we were all the same, life would be very boring!

But 'Accidental Ableism' as I call it, needs to stop. Something being accidental does not make it excusable!

An image of Aleksandr Orlov, the meerkat mascot of Compare the Market, in a fancy outfit pointing his finger out.

It is about time we saw how many different disabilities there are, and stop comparing all disabled people like ornaments. We are people. People with VALID lived experiences! People with VALID challenges. And people who are VALID to do whatever we can, and not do whatever we can't. As Aleksandr Orlov (that adorable meerkat) would say... "Simples".

Thank you for reading and I hope this made some sort of sense! :)

See you guys soon!

Tasha :) x