When I met my now fiance Callum, working at Primark, neither of us knew that we would be living together very soon! But now we know each other well, and he knows the in's and out's of my health, how does he deal with it?
Health... it happens
Nothing can prepare anyone for bad health. Had you asked me at 14 whether I wanted to play guitar or be an artist I would probably have shouted a big yes, but now at almost 19 I am advised not to play guitar or hold a pencil. Life brings you many dramatic changes, that we aren't always prepared for.
Callum was in for one of these changes when I met him. I knew right away, which is the steryotypical love story (but stay with me, it is true!). We both worked at Primark, him as a security guard and me as a supervisor. I smiled and said hello to him as I walked through the door every morning (to no avail as he always blanked me haha!) Then one day, someone stole a sock! This was my chance. Call security, get him here, at least find out his name. And in one swift move, sock incident was dealt with and we had added each other on facebook. Of course, social media is the building block of every relationship and without this firm foundation we could never have built what we have today! (sarcasm at its finest, we really could have just exchanged numbers aha!)
Anyway, a couple of nights later we went on a date (this is the car story from before, which I will save repeating!) and 2 nights later it was decided. We were an item :)
He did not seem to care about my disabilities, and really seemed to like me for who I was. But at first I was not sure how he would cope with my illnesses... Now we have a brilliant relationship and on bad days, we simply go to the local arcade and have some fun haha!
How did he cope?
I wanted to have his opinion on this, instead of just speaking for him! So for the first time ever on my blog I prepared a mini interview :)
Q1: What did you think when you found out about Tasha's disability? A: Well to be honest, I didn't really know what it was. But I didn't really think much of it, it just makes her who she is.
Q2: Did it ever cross your mind that it would become too difficult to deal with? A: Not really, when you love someone enough you just sort of deal with whatever happens.
Q3: What about helping her? Do you mind? A: I mean it's been a year, and usually she likes to do things on her own anyway, but I don't mind if it comes to helping out.
Q4: Do you worry about her? How does it make you feel, knowing she can be in pain? A: I always worry about her, but that's sort of standard I suppose. It's always a concern when she's in pain but she seems to pull through and I try my best to help her out if I can.
Q5: How does it affect you? A: It doesn't really, as I say it's been a year and it hasn't changed the way I do things.
Q6: Would you say that you understand HNPP and Autism? A: I mean I don't think I'll ever truly understand it because as far as I know I don't have either. I think I might have a bit of a better grasp than some people, but I don't fully understand it.
Q7: Did you research what anything she had was, to get a better understanding? A: Nope.
Q8: What is the furthest you would go to help her if she needed it? A: I mean, second date, I drove a good few hours to Skegness to see her, and that was just for leisure. So I'm sure that goes to show how far I would go.
Q9: What about the hospital trips, do they bother you? A: A few dates in I physically carried her from my car into A&E (where during waiting around we managed to watch the entirety of Shrek 2, solid film, quite pleased) so I'm sort of used to it now. Though in saying that I still hate hospitals and they make me feel really uneasy and uncomfortable.
Q10: And finally, do you feel any different about her than you would if she did not have disabilities? A: Well that's an impossible question to answer, because I fell in love with her for who she is - not for who she could be in some alternate and parallel universe. But I mean, when I first met her I had no idea she had any form of disability, and until she told me I wouldn't have had a clue.
I suppose for a real answer, you have to look at the fact he asked me to marry him! You cannot get luckier than that! A lovely man, who knows your strengths but also your weaknesses, and wants to love and marry you for who you are! <3
Does it put a strain on our relationship?
I wouldn't say it did, and I think Callum would agree. We just deal with things together :) If I needed him then he would be there, but if he needed me I would be there for him too. Nothing is ever one sided and we are always willing to support each other. No one who is disabled should ever feel like a burden or strain on a relationship! If the love and connection between you is not strong enough to overcome health issues, perhaps it isn't meant to be! Especially given that the statistics point out that more disabled people in relationships are being physically or emotionally abused, than those who are not. It is horrid to think about :( Please if you are suffering from a disability and your partner, family or anyone for that matter is not treating you respectfully, do your best to get away. You deserve a million times better than that! I wish everyone could have someone like Callum, but unfortunately it isn't possible :( Be strong and you will find someone deserving of you! <3
What's the next step?
Well... in 18 days time we are off to live with each other in our first flat together! This is so exciting and will be a huge and happy change for us both! I simply cannot wait <3
I will update this post with his opinion when we are living together :) Who knows if it will change or not. I hope it doesn't though!
See you soon
Tasha
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